Day 15: The toughest day so far...

Today's total miles was 17.  Thank God I am alive after today; that's the easiest way to put it.  Before you read this I am going to go ahead and say I am keeping it as realistic as possible in this journal.  I want y'all to know what it's really like out here on the trail and sometimes its not going to be very positive.  The day started with a very cold morning.  All this rain is part of a cold front so I figured the cold would hit eventually.  It was cold enough today that I was hiking in my fleece pullover (just for the first hour), rain jacket, and sniffling.  It was cloudy and off/on rain all morning with a stiff wind coming out of Canada.  Around 8:30am I first began feeling stomach uneasiness... I figured I just would have to take care of business later.  At 12:45pm the sickness hit me like a ton of bricks on the side of Bemis mtn.  Fatigue, dizziness, stomach and intestinal cramps, loss of color from my skin, on/off fever, and nausea were all symptoms that hit at once.  Its the kind of thing that you just want to curl up in the fetal position and sleep.  But I couldn't do that because I was on the side of a mountain in near freezing rain.  I knew if i stopped I would get hypothermia it was that bad and there were no spots to make a shelter.  With no energy to pick up my feet i tripped on just about every root.  It was a horrible place to get sick.  I kept dropping my trekking poles because i just couldn't hold them.  I needed to get to a spot protected from the elements and where there was plenty of water.  I knew it was 7 miles to a road where I could get to Andover but in those 7 miles there were no campsites or good water sources so I had to keep going if I wanted to survive.  At 2:45pm I finally spilled my guts on the side of the trail but that didn't help at all.  I spent all afternoon trudging over mountains and it was all rocks or mud in those miles.  Trying to stay oriented when going down the rock faces of these mountains was not easy. I fell twice right in the mud.  Everything in my body wanted to just stop and give up but I couldn't do that.  I just kept praying for energy and thinking about everything i have to live for which was the only thing that kept me going.  I must have looked like a zombie with my jaw dropped and eyes drooping... i just didn't have the energy to hold them up.  The up hills were misery even though they weren't that steep.  Every 50-100 ft of uphill I had to stop, lean against a tree, and catch my breath I was so fatigued.  The rain and wind continued to hammer down and one step at a time i eventually made it to an overlook where I could see the road.  I started bawling tears of joy that I was almost there and still alive.  I kept thanking God for getting me through the last 7 miles safely because without him I would have collapsed from exhaustion hours before.  This experience is one of those that you cant fully describe with words or pictures; you have to be there to fully understand it.  I heard before I got on the trail that the AT will bring out emotions you never knew you had and its so true.  Its crazy how much this journey affects you mentally.  I dont want to pretend to be some macho man and say I didnt bawl my eyes out but I told you already that I am keeping it real.  I hope after I am done with the trail this emotional crying thing I experienced today goes away its kinda embarrassing.  After about another mile I finally made it to the road and collapsed.  My shuttle arrived not long later to take me to The Cabin Hostel in Andover where I will stay while recovering.  They were actually full tonight but are letting me stay on the couch for half price so that works.  I overheard some hikers saying here at the hostel that they got sleeted on which I am glad it didnt hit me.  I think I have some sort of waterborne disease from the water at Sabbath pond.  It was clear but I didn't like the looks of it.  I have always had my doubts about the effectiveness of the steripen uv water purifier and now I really dont trust it.  I have been thinking for a while about switching to Aqua Mira and I hope the store in Andover carries it.  Right now I have no appetite and can feel my bowels going crazy so we will see what happens.  I will zero here tomorrow and play it by ear after that.